Set your goals so high that you are scared of them.

Dear...

When you set your goals, set them high. Don't worry whether you can achieve them or not. In fact, set them so high that you know you can't achieve them. That is to say, the current You can't.

When people set their goals, too many people reason too much from who they are today, the means they posses today and the abilities they have today. It's much better to picture yourself in the future having attained your goals already and then reason back how you got to that point.

To achieve an ambitious goal, you have to change and become the person that can and will achieve it.  Your today You, will not be able to achieve it. But you can change and you have to change to reach what you want. In fact you will change no matter what. The question is, in what will you change?

So, set your goals high, so high that you are scared of them. Then make a plan to acquire the skills and to get the means you need. Finally, push your self outside your comfort zone and pursuit the changes that are necessary.

When you do all this you will see that you turn into that person that can achieve the highest set goals.

jeandorff@googlemail.com
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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

The beautiful gift of imagination

Dear...

It is more often our own mind that limits what we can achieve than the circumstances we are in or the means we have.

Recently someone asked me: can you achieve anything by just thinking of it? I said: no, but for sure you will not achieve it if you can't think of it.

Too often I hear: you have to be realistic and set only realistic goals otherwise you only will fool yourself and get disappointed. People who say such things in most cases don't dare to dream big and often seem to have lost their ability to imagine as well.

We are all born with an ability to be free in our mind and imagine anything we want, but as we grow older a lot of us lose that beautiful gift of imagination. Some people actually think it is a complete waist of time to dream and imagine.

William Arthur Ward was right when he said: "If you can imagine it you can achieve it. If you can dream it, you can become it."

Don't limit yourself in what you want to achieve or want to become. At least, give yourself the freedom in your mind to do that. And if you discover that you have lost the ability to be free in your mind, go back to when you were young and feel how you used your imagination when you were playing. Discover the limiting beliefs that hold you from being free in your mind. If those limiting beliefs already have a grip of your thinking they for sure have a grip on what you will achieve.


jeandorff@googlemail.com
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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

Can you have too much confidence?

Dear...

I want to share a few additions to yesterday's post about lack of confidence. Some people asked me: when does confidence turns into overconfidence and is that's bad or not.

If you are overconfident you might take too much risks and stretch yourself beyond your abilities. Overconfident people are sometimes so optimistic that they don't follow through to finish something successfully.

So it's all about balance, under-confident people don't undertake enough out fear of failing and being too risk averse; overconfident people take sometimes unnecessary risks or don't think things enough through before they do something which often lead to failure.

But in the end it is in my opinion better to learn from your failures and to take too much risk than to avoid making mistakes and taking no risk at all. After all the biggest mistake you could ever make is being afraid to make one.

jeandorff@googlemail.com
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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

Signs that give your insecurities away

Dear...

What you don't want if you have lack of confidence is that people around you know that too. Unfortunately when you do have lack of confidence you send out clear signs, easy to read by the people around you. I've listed the four areas of 'signs' of insecurity below:

• Strive of perfection: Insecure people are afraid to do anything unless they are convinced it is perfect, which in most cases is not even achievable or hard to define. Confident people on the other hand are focussed on the goals they are after and less on the 'perfection' of the means to get them. Confident people look for things to do outside their comfort zone instead of being risk averse and wanting to play it safe all the time.
• Body language: This is another give away of your lack of confidence. Having your head down, not looking someone in the eyes and your arms folded doesn't exhibit a confident body language. 
• Communication: The way you communicate gives away that you are not very confident as well. Insecure people often feel that a discussion is about them in a negative way and they feel most of the times attacked. A defensive attitude exposes your insecurity. People with a lack of confidence also have a need to explain their actions and are over apologetic when they do something wrong. Confident people on the other hand don't explain their actions and are better in accepting and admitting failures.
• Behavior: Unlike confident people, insecure people base their behavior often on what other people think instead, of doing what you believe is right. Confident people will wait for appraisal of accomplishments where the ones with lack of confidence tend look for praise of their own achievements as much as possible.

Knowing these signs will not immediately make you confident and they might be even hard for you to accept when you recognize yourself in what's written here, but these signs can help you masking your insecurities and they offer you a good start to change if you want to overcome your insecurities.

jeandorff@googlemail.com
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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

Instead of asking: Why me? We should ask: Why NOT me?

Dear...

Janine Shepherd a cross-country skier hoped for an Olympic medal, until she was hit by a truck during a training bike ride. Leaving the hospital after six months, barely able to use her legs, she quickly fell in a state of depression. After a period of constant pondering on the question "why me ?" she had a life changing epiphany. Instead of asking again "why me?" she asked herself "why NOT me?".

Janine Shepherd's story is as inspirational as it is motivational. Not only did she decide to learn how to fly a plane, but she became a flight instructor within 18 months leaving the hospital and after that she made to a trained aerobatics flying instructor. Despite the fact that her doctors told her that she would never be able to use her legs again, she learned how to walk and she was asked to be a torchbearer for the Paralympics in Sydney 2000.

We all have been in situations of which we felt we can't change; a situation in which we got stuck in asking ourselves why me and why did this happen? The story of Janine teaches us that we can change bad situation by asking ourselves: "why NOT me?" and "how can I turn this in something good for others and perhaps myself?"

Hardships often bring the best out of people, but I always hope that stories like the one I told in today's post motivate us to pursuit a life of excellence and do extraordinary things without having to go through ordeals first.

Watch Janine Shepherd telling her own life story at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bX32U_hfri4


jeandorff@googlemail.com
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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

Success comes in small steps...

Dear...

How do you measure success? Money, First places, Titles, Happiness ...?

When we talk about success or successful people we often look at the end result. We look at how much money someone has, how many first places someone won or how many recognitions and titles someone has. Success is most of  the time a result of a complex combination of variables and factors, but if you analyze how successful people got their successes you'll find that success is seldom a game of chance.

Admire other people's successes, but learn also  from the road they took leading up to their success.
Success always starts somewhere and the beauty of success is that it leave traces. Not only can these traces be followed, like a trail through a forest, they can also be duplicated and used as a plan to your success.

If you study the path successful people took, you will find that there were many roadblocks, failures and setbacks on that path. Successful people keep going and with every step they take they draw closer and closer to the success they are aiming for.

So as long as you take your steps, no matter how small, in the right direction and you won't give up, you will eventually reach your success.

Jeandorff@googlemail.com
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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

True Christmas Spirit...

Dear...

It's Christmas Eve. Christmas is celebrated by billions around the world. It is the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. The exact day of birth of Jesus is not really known, but most accepted is December 25. In most countries the christian meaning of Christmas is combined with local pre-Christ tradition. Decorating trees, giving presents and Santa Claus are examples of those local traditions.
Christmas is increasingly celebrated by not Christians as well.

I grew up in the Netherlands in a Catholic family. Overtime the way we celebrate Christmas changed and many other thing stayed the same. It seems that getting together and the evening-dinner are the most important parts of this holiday celebration today. For as far as I can see it, this is how a lot of people celebrate Christmas.

It might seem that the original meaning of Christmas is more and more disappearing, but as with all things, this is in my mind just a matter of perspective. Celebrating abundant with friends and family and seeing Christmas as a holiday of peace embraced now by billions of people is for me a wonderful way of celebrating the original meaning of Christmas.

I wish you all the merriest Christmas, I hope you can carry the spirit of Christmas throughout the entire year. My heart goes out to those who are not together with their loved ones this Christmas.

Jeandorff@googlemail.com
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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

Life is a test...

Dear...

Why does it seem that some people are tested more in life than others? To me that's one of the big life questions, maybe too big for me to answer in a blog post, but I can at least try to give you some perspective. 

I believe that we all get tested in life and it is through these tests that we'll shape our characters, find our courage and ultimately fulfill our destiny. It will help you to accept this as a universal truth. People having a hard time to accept this fight more with their tests instead of making them. 

Life tests are like school tests if you fight them you have a hard time to pass them; if you undergo them without perpetration you'll find yourself getting an F as well; but if you embrace them, prepare for them and even seek them out, tests will become stepping stones of your life. 

Seeking out tests will not only help you to understand your limits but it will push them as well. It is like a muscle, it only gets stronger if you train it. This is true for any skill you want to develop, both physical and mental. 

There is perhaps one difference with school tests and tests in life. In school a lesson get taught before a test, in life the test is often the lesson you have to learn. 

The above might not give us an answer to the question I started today's post with, but  hopefully it will give you a good starting point to cope differently with your tests in life. 

Jeandorff@googlemail.com
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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

Everything you want is on the other side of fear.

Dear...

Fear lives in our mind as an emotion and not in real life. Fear is always about something that possible could happen in the future, but without a certainty that it will happen. In a good way fear is a survival mechanism in response to stimuli that threatens our health, safety, status or anything held valuable (tangible or non-tangible). Fear is felt about something realistically intimidating or dangerous and is an appropriate response to a perceived threat.

Therefore fear used as a warning system is a good thing. A simple analogy is driving a car in fog, you can proceed but you should proceed with greater care, it's healthy in this situation to be more cautious than in clear weather circumstances.

However when fear becomes anxiety it can lead to overreaction and panic. When fear and anxiety start to cause that situations are avoided they eventually stop any progression or change. One could say that anxiety is the irrational fear for common things necessary to progress in life: like school tests, meeting people, travel etc. Most anxieties can be generalized as the fear for change or the fear for something new or unknown.

The best way to overcome fear is not to avoid fearsome situations but to look them in the face. If you do that you will find that everything you want is on the other side of fear.

Jeandorff@googlemail.com
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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

Be like Scrooge...

Dear...

I already told you that I'm a sucker for the holidays. I like it all: the decorations, the food, the get together with family and friends, but mostly I like The Christmas Story after all that's what we celebrate.

Today however I would like to talk a little about another famous christmas story, the one about Ebenezer Scrooge. The main character in Charles Dicken's tale is portrayed by countless actors in countless plays and movies. My favorite one is George C. Scott.

Charles Dickens wrote his story in 1843, but hasn't lost any of its beauty and profoundness. On hindsight of the story you can see that Scrooge was fortunate to get first a reflection of his past and present and then a preview of a possible future.

Wouldn't it be nice if once a year we were visited  by our ghosts of the past, present and future so that we can make a course correction as Ebenezer Scrooge did? We are not able to see into the future, but we can do a reasoning whether a continuation on the line of our past produces a preferable future or not. After all the past leaves traces. There is a saying: "if you want to know some ones future look at his or hers past". This is however only true if you don't make any changes when the results of your past and present advices you to do so.

Jeandorff@googlemail.com
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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

The struggle to find a life's purpose...

Dear...

Imagine you were born a few thousand years ago, you didn't have to make a choice what job you were going to do or what profession you have to learn. You would live in a time where you had to take care of everything yourself, hunt or gather your own food, prepare your meal, you made your own entertainment, fixed your own housing and was your own medical service. You would not be stuck in a role that wouldn't fit you, because there was only one. There were no specialists only generalists.
Society, especially in first world countries, have changed dramatically. You can be a general thinker, but there are almost no real 'general jobs' anymore. Just some decades ago, when someone asked you what do you do for a living, a simple answer like I work at an office, I work in a factory, I work on the land was sufficient.  Everything was more general. I think its great that nowadays we have so many specialists in so many areas. But what if you are not wired liked that and you are stuck in a "specialist's job" but your nature forces you to always look more at the bigger picture of things. There is no education for that and there are no jobs like that either.

If people like this grow up in an environment where this 'general' way of thinking is recognized and stimulated they will often be very successful in life. However when people like this grow up in an environment where this thinking is not taken serious and even suppressed, they will often live a life full of struggle and in many cases lead a life of depression, obsession and  addictions.
People who recognize themselves in this tend to look different at the world. They have a natural drive to seek answers to the bigger life questions like: where do we come from, what is the meaning of life, is there a purpose of life etc. If life philosophy was a common profession then that's probably where you would find these people. Most other people would call them dreamers with less sense of reality. The truth is that these 'dreamers' just look different at life feeling they can only be happy when finding their life's purpose.
In my to be published book I'll paint the picture of such a dreamer and his life long struggle to find his purpose in life.

Jeandorff@googlemail.com
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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

Can you ever be too positive?

Dear...

Some people say that you can be too positive. They think that if you are too positive you are naive and you will have more disappointments because it is impossible to succeed in everything.

Well, that last part is probably true. Positive people tend to do more then less positive people. Positive people don't think they succeed in everything, but since they take on more, they succeed more. That in my mind is a good reason to have a positive lifestyle.

An other reason is, positive people have less fear of disappointment. In fact positive people pick them selves up after great disappointment and go on with equal or more energy. Churchill said: "Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm".

This makes positive people more resilient with every 'failure' they have. Now here you come to the third thing that distinct the positive from the negative. Failure is not failure in the mind of the positives, failure is a point of learning and brings them just one step closer to success.

If you believe you can do it you are right and if you believe you can't do it you are right too.

Jeandorff@googlemail.com
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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

Perception is everything

Dear...

Everything is a matter of perception. This means that no one sees anything exactly the same way someone else does. Perception is influenced by an almost endless range of factors like culture, personal character, upbringing, religious background, etc. What in one culture is considered as delicious might be in another culture horrible to eat. What during one period in time is seen as modern and hip is a few years later old fashion.

As a young boy I was disgusted by the taste of olives, now I think they are one of the best things to eat. Time changes the way you perceive things. But things can also change in an instant. Can  you recall a situation where you at first had a different opinion but after knowing some new facts your views changed radically?

You cannot change the way someone else look at you,
but you can change the way you look at someone or something else. This insight gives you truly the ability to change just about anything you want. You don't see the world as it is, you see the world as you are. You see the world as unique as you are. By changing yourself, you can change the world.

Jeandorff@googlemail.com
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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

Coincidence does exist.

Dear...

Last week I touched based with a good friend I haven't heard from for a long time. When he wrote me back he said, what a nice coincidence the title of your last blog is also the same ast the title of my last book. I replied back to him half jokingly, that coincidences doesn't exist.

This is what he replied:

Of course it exists! We just saw it.

An aspect of the power of words is to use them according to their true meaning. The English words "coincidence" stems from the Latin word "coincidere" meaning "exact agreement", "exact correspondence". To go deeper, the analysis of the word is: "co" for "together", "in" for "into", and "cadre" for "falling"; so in a "coincidence" two (or more) events fall together.

And this is precisely what we experienced.

Only the true meaning of the words, as defined by their origins in old languages that don't change any more, gives a meaning beyond space and time.

I love the reply of my friend.

If people say: "Coincidence doesn't exist", they normally mean: "it was meant to be". So next time if we want to express that. We better say: "that was a nice coincidence".

Jeandorff@googlemail.com
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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

Do it with passion...

Dear...

There are many quotes and sayings about passion and with the word passion. Just type the word in google and you will see it.  There is something curious about this word passion. When you look it up in several dictionaries you'll get different meanings. Most people would use the word passion with the following meaning: a strong feeling of enthusiasm or excitement for something or about doing something. Clearly meant in a positive way.  However the following meaning is a correct as well: a strong feeling (such as anger) that causes you to act in a dangerous way. A rather negative emotion, I would say.

A popular quote is: "Do it with passion or don't do it at all". I personally love to use this quote and assume that everyone understands that I'm using it with the first mentioned meaning of the word passion and not the second one.

Historically, the original meaning of the word passion was suffering, enduring and hurt. Think about the passion of Christ. A nice detail I found looking at this is, that the name 'passion flower' refers to the suffering of Christ and not just to the beauty of the flower: the supposed resemblance of the corona to the crown of thorns, and of the other parts of the flower to the nails, or wounds, while the five sepals and five petals were taken to symbolize the ten apostles (Peter and Judas being left out).

Only since the fifteenth century people started to use the word passion in the positive way as it is so often used today.

Let me add a quote with the word passion to the numerous ones already out there and just to make sure: this one is meant in the most positive way :-).

"Passion can only be found when you live with passion."

Jeandorff@googlemail.com
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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

Thinking without acting

Dear...

I love people who love to learn. Some might say life is all about learning or one could even say life equates learning. Learning will change us and change is growth.
Is learning alone enough? At times I was so in love with learning that I forgot to apply the things I have learned. In other words, I didn't put my learning into practical use. Knowledge because of knowledge is not per se wrong, but we miss something profound if we never bring what we have learned into practice. Applying what we have learned will deepen and anker it.


The same can be said for thinking. We all know some people who act without thinking, I for one am guilty of that myself quite often. But I consider the opposite, thinking without acting, as even more problematic. The latter will end up in analysis paralysis, a state of overthinking so that an action is never taken. This comes often from wanting to be perfect and / or the fear of making the wrong decisions. Well the truth is that if you don't take any action or a decision someone else might take it for you... So as learning need to be applied so need thinking to be put into action.


Yes, of course you should do some thinking before you act, but try not to overthink things, take action and come into motion. I always say it's easier to change the course of a moving object than change the direction of
something that stands still.

Jeandorff@googlemail.com
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"Be inspired and you shall inspire."

See the beauty in every creation...

Dear...

When my kids make a drawing for me, I have absolutely no judgement whether it's beautiful or not. I purely love it and accept it with all my heart. When I think about this, I can hear their voices say: "Daddy I made this for you."

Kids have a natural desire to create something and then to give it away. They have no judgement whether they make something beautiful or ugly, they just create without inhibitions. As a parent, it is very easy to see the beauty in everything our kids create. Our first reaction is driven by appreciation. In this situation, it would never cross our mind to react with qualification. We probably would say: "This is so sweet, you made this specially for daddy?"; and not: "Thank you dear, but I liked your brother's drawing better."

Appreciation is driven by intent. We give recognition to the intention with which something is created. Qualification is driven by comparison and only exist if there is a reference.
When we react towards the intent of our kid's drawing, we add  joy to the kids creative process. In other words, we stimulate their creativity.  If we react in a comparative way, we diminish the joy of the creative process and start to build inhibitions in our kids' minds. In other words, we limit their creativity.

People with too many inhibitions are afraid to create anything and they only do "safe" things, which in the end will restrain their personal growth. Theodore Roosevelt said. "Comparison is the thief of Joy". Comparison and qualification are sometimes necessary but we should always find a way to appreciate peoples' intentions and look for the beauty in any creation.


jeandorff@googlemail.com
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"Be inspired and you shall inspire."

The power of words....

Dear...

You probably know that most of our communication is non-verbal and I'm not talking about when you read an e-mail, I'm talking about when you are actually talking face to face with two or more people.
Depending on what research article you read, somewhere between 75% and 90% of our communication is non-verbal. Non-verbal communication such as gestures, intonation, posture, clothing etcetera and even smell... This means that only 10% to 25% is conveyed through words.
I sometimes wonder if my readers get the full meaning of my daily posts since I'm limited to using only words. I can only imagine how much nuance in our messages gets lost with the texting we do via social media and mobile apps.

We already misunderstand each other so easily when we communicate face to face, I can only imagine how much of the true message we miss when we see written text only. I read something recently in a blog that illustrates how powerful Non-Verbal communication is. Ahston Laurent, a former teacher from Gallaudet University where the students are deaf or hard of hearing said: "It's difficult to lie to a deaf person because they're so attuned to peoples' body language."

As a dancer and dance teacher, I'm very aware of non-verbal communication. In fact when I perform and when I teach, my body language is the most important 'instrument' to convey my story or a lesson.

By now you might wonder why today's post is titled 'the power of words' and not 'the power of body language'. Well, because today I was made aware again what the power of a few words can be. My dad who just came from Intensive Care Unit was able to talk again. I had him on the phone and he said: "Son, I can't hear you very well, but you don't have to worry about me, I am okay".
A few words can make sometimes all the difference...even without all the non-verbal communication.



jeandorff@googlemail.com
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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~JD

We can live forever...

Dear...

The US declaration of independence says that we are all created equal, endowed by our Creator with unalienable Rights of among others, Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

When I read this for the first time, I was inspired by it and it prompt me to scrutinize my own life and see if I was not squandering these rights.

According to Bob Proctor, most of us are not taking full advantage of the unalienable right of life as mentioned in the declaration of independence. In his freedom series, he gives a bleak and unfortunate true picture of how most people live, how they maintain their status quo and how they focused on consolidating what they have than trying to break new grounds and go beyond the boundaries of comfort.

Now it's only you who can judge if you truly live your life to the fullest; if you live it with passion and love for life; if take it as it comes and make the most of it; if you rather lead than follow; it's only you who can make a choice to be a contributor or just a bystander and it's only you who can decide to live a life with purpose and to leave a eternal legacy.

I dedicate this post to my brother Herman, who passed away three years ago. His legacy is his love for life, he lives forever through his art, his photography, his love for music and most of all his love for his wife, kids and family.

jeandorff@googlemail.com
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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~JD

Live boldly with great expectations...

Dear...

I used to say: "have no expectations and you will not have any disappointments". I probably said that because I had some disappointments myself and thought having no expectations was a good concept to avoid future pain and sadness, but my walk of life changed my view point to the exact opposite.

Imagine a life where you try to avoid all disappointments. You would always eat in the same restaurant and you would order the same dishes you know you like. You would spend your vacations each year in the same manner. You have the same daily schedule to prevent any unexpected events. You avoid making new friends because new friends means trusting them that they never disappoint you.

A life based on avoiding disappointment is a very safe life with no room for unexpected things. If you lead such a life, you become a creature of habit where everything becomes very predictable.

Now you might think I exaggerate to make a point, but I'm sure you know people who lead their lives similar to what I described. Living a life without expectations creates only a false sense of safety, as life tends to throw us unexpected things, but more importantly it will cut us short from the best things life has to offer.

So yes disappointments can be painful, but if you want to live your life to the fullest you need to live boldly with great expectations.Will you get all the things you expect? Maybe not, but that's okay if you learn to be content with what you get and what you have. Earl Nightingale known as the 'Dean of Personal Development' said: "Expect more good out of life than bad. Expect to succeed more often than you fail, and you will".

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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~JD