How are success and an open mind related...

Dear...

Successful people have an atypical behavior and an atypical way of thinking in many aspects. That's basically what sets them apart and ultimately make them successful.
One of the things most successful people have, is an open mind. Having an open mind is definitely something that you can learn.

Someone with an open mind has the ability to see possibilities in almost any situation, because of this  openminded people see more opportunities than others.

Openminded people listen without judgement, they take critic really well and can weigh what people say objectively. They listen with intend and seek for understanding first, that means they really make an effort to grasp what's been said to them and that they look less for being understood.

As a result of the previous point, open minded people know that they know it all and don't pretend that they do. This makes them vulnerable and no matter how scary that may seem it puts them in the best learning position.

Because of this drive to always want to learn, openminded people are not afraid to make mistakes in fact they have experienced that a lot of learning comes from making mistakes.

Open minded understand that there is almost never an absolute truth for anything. They make a conscious effort to see things from different perspectives, which makes them also highly empathic.

Maybe one of the strongest assets openminded people have, is perhaps their ability to embrace and drive change. They adapt to change without losing sight of their goals and objectives, they have the ability to find different ways to reach what they are after.

Bottom line having an open mind  comes down to letting go of control, the willingness to challenge your own beliefs and convictions, allowing yourself to experience what the world has to offer, to see new ideas and endless opportunities. Having an open mind, means letting go of judgement of others and yourself, this puts you in the seat of learning and is giving you the ability to use your unlimited potential.

Jeandorff@googlemail.com
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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

Can we control our habits?

Dear...

We have and are forming habits every moment of our lives. Most of them are or will form unconsciously. Part of these habits are habits we desire others are habits we don't desire. Some, though not so bad in themselves, are exceedingly bad in their cumulative effects, and cause us at times much loss, much pain and anguish, while their opposites would, on the contrary, bring as much peace and joy, as well as a continually increasing power.
The question her is can we determine at all times what type habits we adopt or is habit-forming a matter of mere chance? I do believe that we can control our habits.

Our mind and thoughts are the underlying power of all. Every conscious act is preceded by a thought and in principle controlled by our mind. It is our thinking that determines our actions. At least that is how it should be. If our thinking is always responsible for our actions and therefore our habits, than it is first necessary that we know how to control our thinking. I have said this repeatedly in my blogs: we are and become what we think, therefore we have to be careful what we think.

Jeandorff@googlemail.com
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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

GIGO: Garbage in garbage out

Dear...

GIGO or Garbage In Garbage Out is a term used in computer science. When input data is of low quality (garbage in) one can only expect low quality output data (garbage out).

If this is true for computers then why would this be less true for our mind and body?

If we expect to have good thoughts and a creative mind we have to make sure that there is quality in the 'mental' things we consume. You might want to moderate watching soap operas, playing computer games and reading gossip magazines.

If we expect to have plenty energy and a healthy body we have to make sure that we eat and drink well and work out regularly. Processed food and being a couch potato might not fit that criteria.

We can set goals and want to perform at peak levels, physically and mentally. But if we don't fill/feed ourselves with good things (garbage in) you can only expect that you won't perform at your true potential (garbage out).

So if you make sure that you eat and drink healthy, exercise well and consume useful information (quality in) you can expect better performance physically and mentally (quality out): QIQO.

jeandorff@googlemail.com
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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

The beautiful gift of imagination

Dear...

It is more often our own mind that limits what we can achieve than the circumstances we are in or the means we have.

Recently someone asked me: can you achieve anything by just thinking of it? I said: no, but for sure you will not achieve it if you can't think of it.

Too often I hear: you have to be realistic and set only realistic goals otherwise you only will fool yourself and get disappointed. People who say such things in most cases don't dare to dream big and often seem to have lost their ability to imagine as well.

We are all born with an ability to be free in our mind and imagine anything we want, but as we grow older a lot of us lose that beautiful gift of imagination. Some people actually think it is a complete waist of time to dream and imagine.

William Arthur Ward was right when he said: "If you can imagine it you can achieve it. If you can dream it, you can become it."

Don't limit yourself in what you want to achieve or want to become. At least, give yourself the freedom in your mind to do that. And if you discover that you have lost the ability to be free in your mind, go back to when you were young and feel how you used your imagination when you were playing. Discover the limiting beliefs that hold you from being free in your mind. If those limiting beliefs already have a grip of your thinking they for sure have a grip on what you will achieve.


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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

Signs that give your insecurities away

Dear...

What you don't want if you have lack of confidence is that people around you know that too. Unfortunately when you do have lack of confidence you send out clear signs, easy to read by the people around you. I've listed the four areas of 'signs' of insecurity below:

• Strive of perfection: Insecure people are afraid to do anything unless they are convinced it is perfect, which in most cases is not even achievable or hard to define. Confident people on the other hand are focussed on the goals they are after and less on the 'perfection' of the means to get them. Confident people look for things to do outside their comfort zone instead of being risk averse and wanting to play it safe all the time.
• Body language: This is another give away of your lack of confidence. Having your head down, not looking someone in the eyes and your arms folded doesn't exhibit a confident body language. 
• Communication: The way you communicate gives away that you are not very confident as well. Insecure people often feel that a discussion is about them in a negative way and they feel most of the times attacked. A defensive attitude exposes your insecurity. People with a lack of confidence also have a need to explain their actions and are over apologetic when they do something wrong. Confident people on the other hand don't explain their actions and are better in accepting and admitting failures.
• Behavior: Unlike confident people, insecure people base their behavior often on what other people think instead, of doing what you believe is right. Confident people will wait for appraisal of accomplishments where the ones with lack of confidence tend look for praise of their own achievements as much as possible.

Knowing these signs will not immediately make you confident and they might be even hard for you to accept when you recognize yourself in what's written here, but these signs can help you masking your insecurities and they offer you a good start to change if you want to overcome your insecurities.

jeandorff@googlemail.com
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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

Instead of asking: Why me? We should ask: Why NOT me?

Dear...

Janine Shepherd a cross-country skier hoped for an Olympic medal, until she was hit by a truck during a training bike ride. Leaving the hospital after six months, barely able to use her legs, she quickly fell in a state of depression. After a period of constant pondering on the question "why me ?" she had a life changing epiphany. Instead of asking again "why me?" she asked herself "why NOT me?".

Janine Shepherd's story is as inspirational as it is motivational. Not only did she decide to learn how to fly a plane, but she became a flight instructor within 18 months leaving the hospital and after that she made to a trained aerobatics flying instructor. Despite the fact that her doctors told her that she would never be able to use her legs again, she learned how to walk and she was asked to be a torchbearer for the Paralympics in Sydney 2000.

We all have been in situations of which we felt we can't change; a situation in which we got stuck in asking ourselves why me and why did this happen? The story of Janine teaches us that we can change bad situation by asking ourselves: "why NOT me?" and "how can I turn this in something good for others and perhaps myself?"

Hardships often bring the best out of people, but I always hope that stories like the one I told in today's post motivate us to pursuit a life of excellence and do extraordinary things without having to go through ordeals first.

Watch Janine Shepherd telling her own life story at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bX32U_hfri4


jeandorff@googlemail.com
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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

New Years Resolution: Keep Going

Dear...

In the previous posts on this topic I gave you already six guiding principles to help you achieving your New Years Resolutions for 2014.
- Make sure that it's your resolution and not someone else's.
- Formulate it in a positive way, so avoid negative words.
- Make sure that your resolution meets your personal standards and common sense.
- Create a support group for your resolution.
- Write your resolution down and read it repeatedly.
- Achieve one resolution at the time.

Browse back to the older posts on this topic to read more.

Today we'll conclude this series of post on "achieving your new years resolution".

Plot a plan and implement:
It is better to have a poorly developed plan than no plan at all. Break your resolution down in smaller steps, reward yourself for every milestone you make, don't deviate from your plan if possible, but also adjust if necessary. Make sure it is not only a plan in your head but put it on paper instead and share it with people in your support group.

Imagine how it is to have achieved your resolution already:
Make this picture so clear and positive as possible. Describe it to someone else. When you want to lose weight see yourself already having the size you're aiming for. If you want to stop smoking see yourself already taking the stairs without gasping for breath. Feel how it would feel and go back to these thoughts at least once a day.

And last but not least: Keep going...
If it was easy you would have done it already. Your mind will try to persuade you to stop, but don't listen to that voice in your head...remember why you wanted to achieve it ... picture yourself already achieving it... read your resolution again and keep going!

I wish you all the best for the New Year, dream bold, dream big and take large bites out of life in 2014...

Jeandorff@googlemail.com
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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

Move forward in one direction...

Dear...

It's quite common to be very enthusiastic at first when pursuing a goal, unfortunately doubts start to kick in often already after a short period of time. To achieve anything worthwhile, it always requires a personal change away from what we already know. Most people tend to gravitate to the known, trying to stay from the unknown. Our mind perceives unknown territory as areas of risk, doubt is our inner warning system for risk and our character determines how we listen to our doubts.

The shortest way to get somewhere is to make sure that all your steps are in the direction you want to go. The same is true for your thoughts. The best way to achieve your goal is to keep focussing on it. Doubt makes us hesitate, stop and sometimes turn around, it makes us go back and forward and we get pulled into multiple direction. Achieving your goals demands going forward and staying focussed despite your doubts.

Jeandorff@googlemail.com
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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

Can you ever be too positive?

Dear...

Some people say that you can be too positive. They think that if you are too positive you are naive and you will have more disappointments because it is impossible to succeed in everything.

Well, that last part is probably true. Positive people tend to do more then less positive people. Positive people don't think they succeed in everything, but since they take on more, they succeed more. That in my mind is a good reason to have a positive lifestyle.

An other reason is, positive people have less fear of disappointment. In fact positive people pick them selves up after great disappointment and go on with equal or more energy. Churchill said: "Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm".

This makes positive people more resilient with every 'failure' they have. Now here you come to the third thing that distinct the positive from the negative. Failure is not failure in the mind of the positives, failure is a point of learning and brings them just one step closer to success.

If you believe you can do it you are right and if you believe you can't do it you are right too.

Jeandorff@googlemail.com
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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

Perception is everything

Dear...

Everything is a matter of perception. This means that no one sees anything exactly the same way someone else does. Perception is influenced by an almost endless range of factors like culture, personal character, upbringing, religious background, etc. What in one culture is considered as delicious might be in another culture horrible to eat. What during one period in time is seen as modern and hip is a few years later old fashion.

As a young boy I was disgusted by the taste of olives, now I think they are one of the best things to eat. Time changes the way you perceive things. But things can also change in an instant. Can  you recall a situation where you at first had a different opinion but after knowing some new facts your views changed radically?

You cannot change the way someone else look at you,
but you can change the way you look at someone or something else. This insight gives you truly the ability to change just about anything you want. You don't see the world as it is, you see the world as you are. You see the world as unique as you are. By changing yourself, you can change the world.

Jeandorff@googlemail.com
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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

Coincidence does exist.

Dear...

Last week I touched based with a good friend I haven't heard from for a long time. When he wrote me back he said, what a nice coincidence the title of your last blog is also the same ast the title of my last book. I replied back to him half jokingly, that coincidences doesn't exist.

This is what he replied:

Of course it exists! We just saw it.

An aspect of the power of words is to use them according to their true meaning. The English words "coincidence" stems from the Latin word "coincidere" meaning "exact agreement", "exact correspondence". To go deeper, the analysis of the word is: "co" for "together", "in" for "into", and "cadre" for "falling"; so in a "coincidence" two (or more) events fall together.

And this is precisely what we experienced.

Only the true meaning of the words, as defined by their origins in old languages that don't change any more, gives a meaning beyond space and time.

I love the reply of my friend.

If people say: "Coincidence doesn't exist", they normally mean: "it was meant to be". So next time if we want to express that. We better say: "that was a nice coincidence".

Jeandorff@googlemail.com
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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

Do it with passion...

Dear...

There are many quotes and sayings about passion and with the word passion. Just type the word in google and you will see it.  There is something curious about this word passion. When you look it up in several dictionaries you'll get different meanings. Most people would use the word passion with the following meaning: a strong feeling of enthusiasm or excitement for something or about doing something. Clearly meant in a positive way.  However the following meaning is a correct as well: a strong feeling (such as anger) that causes you to act in a dangerous way. A rather negative emotion, I would say.

A popular quote is: "Do it with passion or don't do it at all". I personally love to use this quote and assume that everyone understands that I'm using it with the first mentioned meaning of the word passion and not the second one.

Historically, the original meaning of the word passion was suffering, enduring and hurt. Think about the passion of Christ. A nice detail I found looking at this is, that the name 'passion flower' refers to the suffering of Christ and not just to the beauty of the flower: the supposed resemblance of the corona to the crown of thorns, and of the other parts of the flower to the nails, or wounds, while the five sepals and five petals were taken to symbolize the ten apostles (Peter and Judas being left out).

Only since the fifteenth century people started to use the word passion in the positive way as it is so often used today.

Let me add a quote with the word passion to the numerous ones already out there and just to make sure: this one is meant in the most positive way :-).

"Passion can only be found when you live with passion."

Jeandorff@googlemail.com
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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

Thinking without acting

Dear...

I love people who love to learn. Some might say life is all about learning or one could even say life equates learning. Learning will change us and change is growth.
Is learning alone enough? At times I was so in love with learning that I forgot to apply the things I have learned. In other words, I didn't put my learning into practical use. Knowledge because of knowledge is not per se wrong, but we miss something profound if we never bring what we have learned into practice. Applying what we have learned will deepen and anker it.


The same can be said for thinking. We all know some people who act without thinking, I for one am guilty of that myself quite often. But I consider the opposite, thinking without acting, as even more problematic. The latter will end up in analysis paralysis, a state of overthinking so that an action is never taken. This comes often from wanting to be perfect and / or the fear of making the wrong decisions. Well the truth is that if you don't take any action or a decision someone else might take it for you... So as learning need to be applied so need thinking to be put into action.


Yes, of course you should do some thinking before you act, but try not to overthink things, take action and come into motion. I always say it's easier to change the course of a moving object than change the direction of
something that stands still.

Jeandorff@googlemail.com
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"Be inspired and you shall inspire."

See the beauty in every creation...

Dear...

When my kids make a drawing for me, I have absolutely no judgement whether it's beautiful or not. I purely love it and accept it with all my heart. When I think about this, I can hear their voices say: "Daddy I made this for you."

Kids have a natural desire to create something and then to give it away. They have no judgement whether they make something beautiful or ugly, they just create without inhibitions. As a parent, it is very easy to see the beauty in everything our kids create. Our first reaction is driven by appreciation. In this situation, it would never cross our mind to react with qualification. We probably would say: "This is so sweet, you made this specially for daddy?"; and not: "Thank you dear, but I liked your brother's drawing better."

Appreciation is driven by intent. We give recognition to the intention with which something is created. Qualification is driven by comparison and only exist if there is a reference.
When we react towards the intent of our kid's drawing, we add  joy to the kids creative process. In other words, we stimulate their creativity.  If we react in a comparative way, we diminish the joy of the creative process and start to build inhibitions in our kids' minds. In other words, we limit their creativity.

People with too many inhibitions are afraid to create anything and they only do "safe" things, which in the end will restrain their personal growth. Theodore Roosevelt said. "Comparison is the thief of Joy". Comparison and qualification are sometimes necessary but we should always find a way to appreciate peoples' intentions and look for the beauty in any creation.


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"Be inspired and you shall inspire."

It's A Wonderful Life...

Dear...

Today was Sunday, it is freezing outside and too slippery to go out; what better thing to do than to watch an old movie? With Christmas approaching you can't go wrong with "It's A Wonderful Life". A  movie directed by Frank Capra, with the unforgettable James Stewart and the beautiful Donna Reed in the leading roles.

George Bailey (James Stewart) tried his whole life to escape Bedford Falls, a small town community, but never succeeds. His sense of responsibility to take over his father's old job  keeps him from seeing the world and getting a college degree. When he seems to have found peace by staying in his hometown and starting a family with his high school love, an unexpected event drives him close to commit suicide. He believes that his life is worthless, with no meaning for others. An angel named Clarence saves George and shows him how the life of people would have been if George wouldn't have been in their lives. 

This old black and white movie delivers a very profound message. Life doesn't always fulfill the dreams we hope for, sometimes our destiny drives us to do things we might not like so much but can be very meaningful for others. 

If you follow my blog you know I'm all about chasing your dreams and living boldly, but I have to add that there is probably no higher calling than a life of serving others even if it's not the life you dreamed of.

jeandorff@googlemail.com
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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~JD

There is never nothing going on...

Dear...

A number of years ago I made my first business trip to India. After a 14 hour flight to New Delhi and a far from eventless ride from the airport to hotel, I was ready to crash in my hotel room. The front desk staff suggested however something more attractive, they said Mr. Dorff why don't you go to one of our spas, it will refresh you before you have to start your work tomorrow.

Now I can tell you how great the Ayurvedic massage was, with scented oils and meditative music in the background, but that is not the point of this story.
Part of the treatment package was to have a consult with an Ayurvedic astrologist. I'm not a believer of the influence of planets and the moon on our wellbeing, but I thought hey it is for free and it is after all ancient knowledge.

The astrologist started with asking me the date and time of my birth, he needed exact information in order for him to make accurate predictions. And although I didn't know my exact time of birth, he told me, to my surprise, not to worry since he had other ways to get it. For a moment I was puzzled and wondered how he would be able to retrieve my exact time of birth. I couldn't see a way unless he would call my mother. Seeing the impression on my face, he said: Jean, why do you think that the time of your birth is more significant than the time you walked into my office? This insight struck me like lightning.

The character Socrates in Dan Millman's book 'The Way of the Peaceful Warrior' said: "There are no ordinary moments". In my mind there is no more profound way to explaining the power of now than this quote. Being caught up with things that happened in our past or being occupied working with events still to happen, we often forget what's going on in our lives at the present time. Eckhart Tolle said: "Most humans are never fully present, because unconsciously they believe that the next moment must be more important than this one."

Once you see that that there is only this moment, you will see that there is significance in every moment, as the astrologist in New Delhi did when I walked in his office.

jeandorff@googlemail.com
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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~JD

The power of words....

Dear...

You probably know that most of our communication is non-verbal and I'm not talking about when you read an e-mail, I'm talking about when you are actually talking face to face with two or more people.
Depending on what research article you read, somewhere between 75% and 90% of our communication is non-verbal. Non-verbal communication such as gestures, intonation, posture, clothing etcetera and even smell... This means that only 10% to 25% is conveyed through words.
I sometimes wonder if my readers get the full meaning of my daily posts since I'm limited to using only words. I can only imagine how much nuance in our messages gets lost with the texting we do via social media and mobile apps.

We already misunderstand each other so easily when we communicate face to face, I can only imagine how much of the true message we miss when we see written text only. I read something recently in a blog that illustrates how powerful Non-Verbal communication is. Ahston Laurent, a former teacher from Gallaudet University where the students are deaf or hard of hearing said: "It's difficult to lie to a deaf person because they're so attuned to peoples' body language."

As a dancer and dance teacher, I'm very aware of non-verbal communication. In fact when I perform and when I teach, my body language is the most important 'instrument' to convey my story or a lesson.

By now you might wonder why today's post is titled 'the power of words' and not 'the power of body language'. Well, because today I was made aware again what the power of a few words can be. My dad who just came from Intensive Care Unit was able to talk again. I had him on the phone and he said: "Son, I can't hear you very well, but you don't have to worry about me, I am okay".
A few words can make sometimes all the difference...even without all the non-verbal communication.



jeandorff@googlemail.com
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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~JD

The power of being thankful

Dear...

Yesterday was Thanksgiving. I'm not a born American citizen but I love this holiday. It is not only about remembering the first pilgrims, it is about being thankful for what you have. I understand that you could be in a challenging situation in which it is may be hard to feel thankful for anything, but especially in those situations its spirit lifting to find something to hold on to.

A few years ago I went through one of my most challenging periods in my life. Being grateful was definitely not on top of my mind at the time. It was easier to be angry and to blame. I was worried and had fear for what the future would bring me and I suppressed grief and unbelief of the situation I was in.

I'm not saying that I used careful processed thoughts to find things in my life to be still thankful for, but the fact is I did and know now that it gave me strength to accept and change my circumstances.

On hindsight  I used a simple 5 steps process:

1. I made a list for the things I still could be thankful for (material and non material).
2. I made a habit finding each day at least one thing to be grateful for.
3. I focused on the things I could change and accepted the things I couldn't (at least not then).
4. I went over this list every night before going to bed.
5. I shared both griefs and gratefulness with someone I fully trusted. 

Now this sounds maybe too simple and even scilly, but I'm inviting you to try it if you are in a 'challenging' period yourself. 

Mary J. Lore writes in her book 'Managing thoughts and the power of thankfulness':

"Thankfulness is one of the quickest and most powerful ways to create a change in our circumstances and move us in a direction that serves our purpose. Being thankful raises individuals to a new level of consciousness. It gives us access to our highest awareness and our ability to see the myriad of possibilities, discover what we truly want, and create and realize a vision for the future."

I can only testify that in my darkest period of life, I found purpose and strength by being grateful for what I have. Does that mean I never feel pain anger or grief anymore? Of course it doesn't, but I can give these emotions a place now and am not dragged down by them. I found that there is great power in being thankful and I hope you can find that too when you need it.

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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~JD

Blessings in disguise, a Zen story...

Dear...

Maybe,

Once upon the time there was an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years. One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. “Such bad luck,” they said sympathetically...
“Maybe,” the farmer replied.

The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. “How wonderful,” the neighbors exclaimed...
“Maybe,” replied the old man.

The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune...
“Maybe,” answered the farmer.

The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son’s leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out...
“Maybe,” said the farmer.


Oscar Wilde said: "What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise."

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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

There is power in being discontent

Dear...

There is power in being discontent. Yes, you read this correctly I said there is power in being discontent. You might wonder...isn't he always talking and writing about being positive? Sure I am, in fact yesterday's post was all about being positive, but despite that,  I say today there is power in being discontent.

If you are in a situation you don't like and you are so deeply discontent with it that you want to scream, 'No more!', 'I can't take it!', then you have tapped into something very empowering. Ask people who made a sudden change in their life 'why?' and you will often hear, that they just couldn't take it anymore. It could have been a job they were in, a relationship they had and in some instances even a country they lived in. Their situations made them feel so miserable that they had to change it, no matter how drastic. They quit their job, broke the relationship and sometimes even left the country from one day to another.

Is it wise to let situations get so out of hand that only drastic measurements can solve it? No of course it isn't and it's much wiser to prevent all this drama. But if your circumstances are such that preventing them is all water on the bridge and you feel you can't go on like this anymore, you found a really big motivator to change.

A motivation born out of discontent is one of the best stimuli to change. I sincerely hope that your status quo isn't of any nature close to what I've described above, but if it is, use your discontent then as a motivator to change and change your negative situation into a positive one.

jeandorff@googlemail.com
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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD