New Years Resolution: Keep Going

Dear...

In the previous posts on this topic I gave you already six guiding principles to help you achieving your New Years Resolutions for 2014.
- Make sure that it's your resolution and not someone else's.
- Formulate it in a positive way, so avoid negative words.
- Make sure that your resolution meets your personal standards and common sense.
- Create a support group for your resolution.
- Write your resolution down and read it repeatedly.
- Achieve one resolution at the time.

Browse back to the older posts on this topic to read more.

Today we'll conclude this series of post on "achieving your new years resolution".

Plot a plan and implement:
It is better to have a poorly developed plan than no plan at all. Break your resolution down in smaller steps, reward yourself for every milestone you make, don't deviate from your plan if possible, but also adjust if necessary. Make sure it is not only a plan in your head but put it on paper instead and share it with people in your support group.

Imagine how it is to have achieved your resolution already:
Make this picture so clear and positive as possible. Describe it to someone else. When you want to lose weight see yourself already having the size you're aiming for. If you want to stop smoking see yourself already taking the stairs without gasping for breath. Feel how it would feel and go back to these thoughts at least once a day.

And last but not least: Keep going...
If it was easy you would have done it already. Your mind will try to persuade you to stop, but don't listen to that voice in your head...remember why you wanted to achieve it ... picture yourself already achieving it... read your resolution again and keep going!

I wish you all the best for the New Year, dream bold, dream big and take large bites out of life in 2014...

Jeandorff@googlemail.com
http://facebook.com/jean.dorff
http://www.pinterest.com/jeandorff/inspiration/

"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

Move forward in one direction...

Dear...

It's quite common to be very enthusiastic at first when pursuing a goal, unfortunately doubts start to kick in often already after a short period of time. To achieve anything worthwhile, it always requires a personal change away from what we already know. Most people tend to gravitate to the known, trying to stay from the unknown. Our mind perceives unknown territory as areas of risk, doubt is our inner warning system for risk and our character determines how we listen to our doubts.

The shortest way to get somewhere is to make sure that all your steps are in the direction you want to go. The same is true for your thoughts. The best way to achieve your goal is to keep focussing on it. Doubt makes us hesitate, stop and sometimes turn around, it makes us go back and forward and we get pulled into multiple direction. Achieving your goals demands going forward and staying focussed despite your doubts.

Jeandorff@googlemail.com
http://facebook.com/jean.dorff
http://www.pinterest.com/jeandorff/inspiration/

"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

True Christmas Spirit...

Dear...

It's Christmas Eve. Christmas is celebrated by billions around the world. It is the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. The exact day of birth of Jesus is not really known, but most accepted is December 25. In most countries the christian meaning of Christmas is combined with local pre-Christ tradition. Decorating trees, giving presents and Santa Claus are examples of those local traditions.
Christmas is increasingly celebrated by not Christians as well.

I grew up in the Netherlands in a Catholic family. Overtime the way we celebrate Christmas changed and many other thing stayed the same. It seems that getting together and the evening-dinner are the most important parts of this holiday celebration today. For as far as I can see it, this is how a lot of people celebrate Christmas.

It might seem that the original meaning of Christmas is more and more disappearing, but as with all things, this is in my mind just a matter of perspective. Celebrating abundant with friends and family and seeing Christmas as a holiday of peace embraced now by billions of people is for me a wonderful way of celebrating the original meaning of Christmas.

I wish you all the merriest Christmas, I hope you can carry the spirit of Christmas throughout the entire year. My heart goes out to those who are not together with their loved ones this Christmas.

Jeandorff@googlemail.com
http://facebook.com/jean.dorff
http://www.pinterest.com/jeandorff/inspiration/

"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

Life is a test...

Dear...

Why does it seem that some people are tested more in life than others? To me that's one of the big life questions, maybe too big for me to answer in a blog post, but I can at least try to give you some perspective. 

I believe that we all get tested in life and it is through these tests that we'll shape our characters, find our courage and ultimately fulfill our destiny. It will help you to accept this as a universal truth. People having a hard time to accept this fight more with their tests instead of making them. 

Life tests are like school tests if you fight them you have a hard time to pass them; if you undergo them without perpetration you'll find yourself getting an F as well; but if you embrace them, prepare for them and even seek them out, tests will become stepping stones of your life. 

Seeking out tests will not only help you to understand your limits but it will push them as well. It is like a muscle, it only gets stronger if you train it. This is true for any skill you want to develop, both physical and mental. 

There is perhaps one difference with school tests and tests in life. In school a lesson get taught before a test, in life the test is often the lesson you have to learn. 

The above might not give us an answer to the question I started today's post with, but  hopefully it will give you a good starting point to cope differently with your tests in life. 

Jeandorff@googlemail.com
http://facebook.com/jean.dorff
http://www.pinterest.com/jeandorff/inspiration/

"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

Everything you want is on the other side of fear.

Dear...

Fear lives in our mind as an emotion and not in real life. Fear is always about something that possible could happen in the future, but without a certainty that it will happen. In a good way fear is a survival mechanism in response to stimuli that threatens our health, safety, status or anything held valuable (tangible or non-tangible). Fear is felt about something realistically intimidating or dangerous and is an appropriate response to a perceived threat.

Therefore fear used as a warning system is a good thing. A simple analogy is driving a car in fog, you can proceed but you should proceed with greater care, it's healthy in this situation to be more cautious than in clear weather circumstances.

However when fear becomes anxiety it can lead to overreaction and panic. When fear and anxiety start to cause that situations are avoided they eventually stop any progression or change. One could say that anxiety is the irrational fear for common things necessary to progress in life: like school tests, meeting people, travel etc. Most anxieties can be generalized as the fear for change or the fear for something new or unknown.

The best way to overcome fear is not to avoid fearsome situations but to look them in the face. If you do that you will find that everything you want is on the other side of fear.

Jeandorff@googlemail.com
http://facebook.com/jean.dorff
http://www.pinterest.com/jeandorff/inspiration/

"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

New Years Resolution IV: make success a habit.

Dear...

In the previous posts on this topic I gave you already four guiding principles to help you achieving your New Years Resolutions for 2014.
- Make sure that it's your resolution and not someone else's.
- Formulate it in a positive way, so avoid negative words.
- Make sure that your resolution meets your personal standards and common sense.
- Create a support group for your resolution.

Browse back to the older posts on this topic to read more.

Today you'll get two more  guidelines:

Instead of just having your resolution in your mind, write it down and more importantly read it at least one time a day. It's more than a reminder. You literally have to imprint it in your mind. Remember you want to change something that has been a habit for you for a long time (smoking, bad eating habits etc).

Secondly,  it is better to have one resolution that you will achieve than multiple without achieving any. People often want to reach too many things at the same time. It is good to be ambitious, but work from success to success, so that success can become a habit.

Jeandorff@googlemail.com
http://facebook.com/jean.dorff
http://www.pinterest.com/jeandorff/inspiration/

"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

Be like Scrooge...

Dear...

I already told you that I'm a sucker for the holidays. I like it all: the decorations, the food, the get together with family and friends, but mostly I like The Christmas Story after all that's what we celebrate.

Today however I would like to talk a little about another famous christmas story, the one about Ebenezer Scrooge. The main character in Charles Dicken's tale is portrayed by countless actors in countless plays and movies. My favorite one is George C. Scott.

Charles Dickens wrote his story in 1843, but hasn't lost any of its beauty and profoundness. On hindsight of the story you can see that Scrooge was fortunate to get first a reflection of his past and present and then a preview of a possible future.

Wouldn't it be nice if once a year we were visited  by our ghosts of the past, present and future so that we can make a course correction as Ebenezer Scrooge did? We are not able to see into the future, but we can do a reasoning whether a continuation on the line of our past produces a preferable future or not. After all the past leaves traces. There is a saying: "if you want to know some ones future look at his or hers past". This is however only true if you don't make any changes when the results of your past and present advices you to do so.

Jeandorff@googlemail.com
http://facebook.com/jean.dorff
http://www.pinterest.com/jeandorff/inspiration/

"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

The struggle to find a life's purpose...

Dear...

Imagine you were born a few thousand years ago, you didn't have to make a choice what job you were going to do or what profession you have to learn. You would live in a time where you had to take care of everything yourself, hunt or gather your own food, prepare your meal, you made your own entertainment, fixed your own housing and was your own medical service. You would not be stuck in a role that wouldn't fit you, because there was only one. There were no specialists only generalists.
Society, especially in first world countries, have changed dramatically. You can be a general thinker, but there are almost no real 'general jobs' anymore. Just some decades ago, when someone asked you what do you do for a living, a simple answer like I work at an office, I work in a factory, I work on the land was sufficient.  Everything was more general. I think its great that nowadays we have so many specialists in so many areas. But what if you are not wired liked that and you are stuck in a "specialist's job" but your nature forces you to always look more at the bigger picture of things. There is no education for that and there are no jobs like that either.

If people like this grow up in an environment where this 'general' way of thinking is recognized and stimulated they will often be very successful in life. However when people like this grow up in an environment where this thinking is not taken serious and even suppressed, they will often live a life full of struggle and in many cases lead a life of depression, obsession and  addictions.
People who recognize themselves in this tend to look different at the world. They have a natural drive to seek answers to the bigger life questions like: where do we come from, what is the meaning of life, is there a purpose of life etc. If life philosophy was a common profession then that's probably where you would find these people. Most other people would call them dreamers with less sense of reality. The truth is that these 'dreamers' just look different at life feeling they can only be happy when finding their life's purpose.
In my to be published book I'll paint the picture of such a dreamer and his life long struggle to find his purpose in life.

Jeandorff@googlemail.com
http://facebook.com/jean.dorff
http://www.pinterest.com/jeandorff/inspiration/

"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

Can you ever be too positive?

Dear...

Some people say that you can be too positive. They think that if you are too positive you are naive and you will have more disappointments because it is impossible to succeed in everything.

Well, that last part is probably true. Positive people tend to do more then less positive people. Positive people don't think they succeed in everything, but since they take on more, they succeed more. That in my mind is a good reason to have a positive lifestyle.

An other reason is, positive people have less fear of disappointment. In fact positive people pick them selves up after great disappointment and go on with equal or more energy. Churchill said: "Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm".

This makes positive people more resilient with every 'failure' they have. Now here you come to the third thing that distinct the positive from the negative. Failure is not failure in the mind of the positives, failure is a point of learning and brings them just one step closer to success.

If you believe you can do it you are right and if you believe you can't do it you are right too.

Jeandorff@googlemail.com
http://facebook.com/jean.dorff
http://www.pinterest.com/jeandorff/inspiration/

"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

Perception is everything

Dear...

Everything is a matter of perception. This means that no one sees anything exactly the same way someone else does. Perception is influenced by an almost endless range of factors like culture, personal character, upbringing, religious background, etc. What in one culture is considered as delicious might be in another culture horrible to eat. What during one period in time is seen as modern and hip is a few years later old fashion.

As a young boy I was disgusted by the taste of olives, now I think they are one of the best things to eat. Time changes the way you perceive things. But things can also change in an instant. Can  you recall a situation where you at first had a different opinion but after knowing some new facts your views changed radically?

You cannot change the way someone else look at you,
but you can change the way you look at someone or something else. This insight gives you truly the ability to change just about anything you want. You don't see the world as it is, you see the world as you are. You see the world as unique as you are. By changing yourself, you can change the world.

Jeandorff@googlemail.com
http://facebook.com/jean.dorff
http://www.pinterest.com/jeandorff/inspiration/

"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

Coincidence does exist.

Dear...

Last week I touched based with a good friend I haven't heard from for a long time. When he wrote me back he said, what a nice coincidence the title of your last blog is also the same ast the title of my last book. I replied back to him half jokingly, that coincidences doesn't exist.

This is what he replied:

Of course it exists! We just saw it.

An aspect of the power of words is to use them according to their true meaning. The English words "coincidence" stems from the Latin word "coincidere" meaning "exact agreement", "exact correspondence". To go deeper, the analysis of the word is: "co" for "together", "in" for "into", and "cadre" for "falling"; so in a "coincidence" two (or more) events fall together.

And this is precisely what we experienced.

Only the true meaning of the words, as defined by their origins in old languages that don't change any more, gives a meaning beyond space and time.

I love the reply of my friend.

If people say: "Coincidence doesn't exist", they normally mean: "it was meant to be". So next time if we want to express that. We better say: "that was a nice coincidence".

Jeandorff@googlemail.com
http://facebook.com/jean.dorff
http://www.pinterest.com/jeandorff/inspiration/

"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

Home is now behind you the world is ahead.

Dear...

Tolkien is in my mind one of the great story tellers of all times. Big adventure stories with ordinary characters who do extraordinary things.

Yesterday it was the opening night of the second movie in the trilogy of the Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug. This film continues the adventures of the title character Bilbo Baggins as he journeys with the Wizard Gandalf and thirteen Dwarves, led by Thorin Oakenshield on an epic quest to reclaim the lost Dwarf Kingdom of Erebor.

When I read Tolkien's story as a boy, I was intrigued by the wonderful world created by J.R.R. Tolkien, the many different mythical creatures that live in it and the ongoing battle between good and evil. I was perhaps too young to have eye for the many intricacies and the hidden gems of wisdom of which Tolkien's stories are abundant with. For long, people believed that it was impossible to turn the Lord of the Ring and the Hobbit stories into feature films, at least not in such way that it would do right to the details, the complexity and the beauty of the stories.

Last night I have been to a double feature show to see a rerun of the first and the premiere of the second Hobbit movie. As he did with the Lord of the ring stories so did he with the Hobbit stories. Peter Jackson made the impossible possible. In his adaptations of  Tolkien's books he did more than just doing right to the stories. Peter Jackson brings them alive in more than a marvelous way.

Jeandorff@googlemail.com
http://facebook.com/jean.dorff
http://www.pinterest.com/jeandorff/inspiration/

"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

Do it with passion...

Dear...

There are many quotes and sayings about passion and with the word passion. Just type the word in google and you will see it.  There is something curious about this word passion. When you look it up in several dictionaries you'll get different meanings. Most people would use the word passion with the following meaning: a strong feeling of enthusiasm or excitement for something or about doing something. Clearly meant in a positive way.  However the following meaning is a correct as well: a strong feeling (such as anger) that causes you to act in a dangerous way. A rather negative emotion, I would say.

A popular quote is: "Do it with passion or don't do it at all". I personally love to use this quote and assume that everyone understands that I'm using it with the first mentioned meaning of the word passion and not the second one.

Historically, the original meaning of the word passion was suffering, enduring and hurt. Think about the passion of Christ. A nice detail I found looking at this is, that the name 'passion flower' refers to the suffering of Christ and not just to the beauty of the flower: the supposed resemblance of the corona to the crown of thorns, and of the other parts of the flower to the nails, or wounds, while the five sepals and five petals were taken to symbolize the ten apostles (Peter and Judas being left out).

Only since the fifteenth century people started to use the word passion in the positive way as it is so often used today.

Let me add a quote with the word passion to the numerous ones already out there and just to make sure: this one is meant in the most positive way :-).

"Passion can only be found when you live with passion."

Jeandorff@googlemail.com
http://facebook.com/jean.dorff
http://www.pinterest.com/jeandorff/inspiration/

"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

Thinking without acting

Dear...

I love people who love to learn. Some might say life is all about learning or one could even say life equates learning. Learning will change us and change is growth.
Is learning alone enough? At times I was so in love with learning that I forgot to apply the things I have learned. In other words, I didn't put my learning into practical use. Knowledge because of knowledge is not per se wrong, but we miss something profound if we never bring what we have learned into practice. Applying what we have learned will deepen and anker it.


The same can be said for thinking. We all know some people who act without thinking, I for one am guilty of that myself quite often. But I consider the opposite, thinking without acting, as even more problematic. The latter will end up in analysis paralysis, a state of overthinking so that an action is never taken. This comes often from wanting to be perfect and / or the fear of making the wrong decisions. Well the truth is that if you don't take any action or a decision someone else might take it for you... So as learning need to be applied so need thinking to be put into action.


Yes, of course you should do some thinking before you act, but try not to overthink things, take action and come into motion. I always say it's easier to change the course of a moving object than change the direction of
something that stands still.

Jeandorff@googlemail.com
http://facebook.com/jean.dorff
http://www.pinterest.com/jeandorff/inspiration/

"Be inspired and you shall inspire."

See the beauty in every creation...

Dear...

When my kids make a drawing for me, I have absolutely no judgement whether it's beautiful or not. I purely love it and accept it with all my heart. When I think about this, I can hear their voices say: "Daddy I made this for you."

Kids have a natural desire to create something and then to give it away. They have no judgement whether they make something beautiful or ugly, they just create without inhibitions. As a parent, it is very easy to see the beauty in everything our kids create. Our first reaction is driven by appreciation. In this situation, it would never cross our mind to react with qualification. We probably would say: "This is so sweet, you made this specially for daddy?"; and not: "Thank you dear, but I liked your brother's drawing better."

Appreciation is driven by intent. We give recognition to the intention with which something is created. Qualification is driven by comparison and only exist if there is a reference.
When we react towards the intent of our kid's drawing, we add  joy to the kids creative process. In other words, we stimulate their creativity.  If we react in a comparative way, we diminish the joy of the creative process and start to build inhibitions in our kids' minds. In other words, we limit their creativity.

People with too many inhibitions are afraid to create anything and they only do "safe" things, which in the end will restrain their personal growth. Theodore Roosevelt said. "Comparison is the thief of Joy". Comparison and qualification are sometimes necessary but we should always find a way to appreciate peoples' intentions and look for the beauty in any creation.


jeandorff@googlemail.com
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http://www.pinterest.com/jeandorff/inspiration/

"Be inspired and you shall inspire."

Have the mindset of a champion...

Dear...

In her book, 'Mindset the New Psychology of Success', Carol Dweck says: "In sports everybody believes in talent. Even -or especially- the experts. In fact in sports is where the idea of 'a natural' comes from, someone who moves like an athlete and is an athlete, all without trying. So great is the belief in natural talent that many coaches search only for talents".
She continues to write: "As much as our culture talks about individual effort and self-improvement, deep down we revere the naturals. We like to think of our champions and idols as superheroes who were born different from us. We don't like to think of them as relatively ordinary people who made themselves extraordinary".
Malcolm Gladwell in his book 'Outliers' suggest that: "people prize natural endowment over earned ability". Gladwell shows that champions on average put in at leas 20% more training hours than the performers one tier below them.

There is an almost endless list of 'non natural' athletes who made big achievements against all odds and despite all recommendations to "do something else". Among them are: - Glenn Cunningham, the great runner, who when he was young, burned and damaged his legs badly. He discovered that running for him was less painful than walking; - Michael Jordan, who was cut from his high school basketball team and refused by two NBA teams before he became the best basketball player ever; - Muhammad Ali, from which boxing experts said that he didn't have the right physical measurements to be a top boxer.

Sadly but true, the list of people with exceptional talent that didn't make it to the top is may be even longer. Things went so well for them early in their career that they never developed a fighter's mentality to overcome any roadblocks or adversity.

As talent can be developed, so can character and mindset be trained. Dweck concludes her chapter on 'the mindset of a champion' with: "Athletes with a growth mindset find success in learning and improving, not just winning".

jeandorff@googlemail.com
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http://www.pinterest.com/jeandorff/inspiration/

"Be inspired and you shall inspire."




Carol Dweck PH.D. is a world-renowned Stanford University psychologist who did decades of research on achievement and success.

It's A Wonderful Life...

Dear...

Today was Sunday, it is freezing outside and too slippery to go out; what better thing to do than to watch an old movie? With Christmas approaching you can't go wrong with "It's A Wonderful Life". A  movie directed by Frank Capra, with the unforgettable James Stewart and the beautiful Donna Reed in the leading roles.

George Bailey (James Stewart) tried his whole life to escape Bedford Falls, a small town community, but never succeeds. His sense of responsibility to take over his father's old job  keeps him from seeing the world and getting a college degree. When he seems to have found peace by staying in his hometown and starting a family with his high school love, an unexpected event drives him close to commit suicide. He believes that his life is worthless, with no meaning for others. An angel named Clarence saves George and shows him how the life of people would have been if George wouldn't have been in their lives. 

This old black and white movie delivers a very profound message. Life doesn't always fulfill the dreams we hope for, sometimes our destiny drives us to do things we might not like so much but can be very meaningful for others. 

If you follow my blog you know I'm all about chasing your dreams and living boldly, but I have to add that there is probably no higher calling than a life of serving others even if it's not the life you dreamed of.

jeandorff@googlemail.com
facebook.com/jean.dorff
http://www.pinterest.com/jeandorff/inspiration/

"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~JD

There is never nothing going on...

Dear...

A number of years ago I made my first business trip to India. After a 14 hour flight to New Delhi and a far from eventless ride from the airport to hotel, I was ready to crash in my hotel room. The front desk staff suggested however something more attractive, they said Mr. Dorff why don't you go to one of our spas, it will refresh you before you have to start your work tomorrow.

Now I can tell you how great the Ayurvedic massage was, with scented oils and meditative music in the background, but that is not the point of this story.
Part of the treatment package was to have a consult with an Ayurvedic astrologist. I'm not a believer of the influence of planets and the moon on our wellbeing, but I thought hey it is for free and it is after all ancient knowledge.

The astrologist started with asking me the date and time of my birth, he needed exact information in order for him to make accurate predictions. And although I didn't know my exact time of birth, he told me, to my surprise, not to worry since he had other ways to get it. For a moment I was puzzled and wondered how he would be able to retrieve my exact time of birth. I couldn't see a way unless he would call my mother. Seeing the impression on my face, he said: Jean, why do you think that the time of your birth is more significant than the time you walked into my office? This insight struck me like lightning.

The character Socrates in Dan Millman's book 'The Way of the Peaceful Warrior' said: "There are no ordinary moments". In my mind there is no more profound way to explaining the power of now than this quote. Being caught up with things that happened in our past or being occupied working with events still to happen, we often forget what's going on in our lives at the present time. Eckhart Tolle said: "Most humans are never fully present, because unconsciously they believe that the next moment must be more important than this one."

Once you see that that there is only this moment, you will see that there is significance in every moment, as the astrologist in New Delhi did when I walked in his office.

jeandorff@googlemail.com
facebook.com/jean.dorff
http://www.pinterest.com/jeandorff/inspiration/

"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~JD

Santa and his older colleague

Dear...

Today is December 6. I was born in the Netherlands and December 6 is a special holiday for it is St. Nicholas day. St. Nicholas from Myra was a Catholic bishop who lived in the 4th century AD in a province of Byzantine Empire Anatolia, now in Turkey.  He was famous for his generosity especially to the poor. In European countries like Belgium and Germany, but especially the Netherlands, St. Nicholas was depicted as a person with a long white beard and wearing a red cape of traditional Catholic Bishop clothes.

All the kids are led to believe that St. Nicholas still lives in Spain and that once a year he and his aides come over the Netherlands in a steam boat to celebrate his birthday on December 6. The kids present on the night before his birthday.  It is the children's belief that St Nicholas rides with his white horse over the roofs of each family's house and that he delivers presents by having his aides climb through the chimney. St Nicholas keeps a book with records of the children's behavior and all the kids believe that you only get presents if you behaved well.

Since most of you are not Dutch and might not have heard of St. Nicholas, you probably think this story looks incredibly similar with the story of Santa Claus. Even the name looks the same. Well, that is because the legend of Santa Claus is derived from St. Nicholas. He became Santa Claus in the 16th century due to the reformation, where reformers like Luther wanted to ban the belief in the 'holy' people of the Catholic church (St. Nicholas was considered 'holy' by the Catholics).

St. Nicholas day is still celebrated and many children in the Netherlands received presents today and yesterday. Now Santa is not really a Dutch thing, so he won't bring presents on the 25th, although I guess my kids are lucky since they grew up in the Netherlands and in the US, so both Santa and his older colleague, St. Nicholas both pay them a visit each year.

jeandorff@googlemail.com
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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~JD

When great men die ...

Dear...

Nelson Mandela, a great man, died on December 5, 2013, 95 years after he was born on July 18, 1918. Nelson Mandela made history with his fight for freedom, equality, human rights and peace. He had to face the worst adversities before he became who he was.  Like Nelson Mandela, it seems that all great people have to go through numerous adversities to become the icon we know them by.  The life stories of these people are bigger than any fictional story and for me it is how they have overcome incredible hardships and tribulations that is most inspirational.

Nelson Mandela at first an advocate for armed resistance to apartheid, became after 27 years of imprisonment the first elected black president of South Africa and the fighter of human rights and peace. When you study great people like Mandela, you will find that it is their specific way of thinking that made them attain the impossible. They have an unshakable conviction that everything can be achieved if you stay focused and keep believing in your goals no matter what roadblocks you come across. Nelson Mandela said: "It always seems impossible until it's done".

A great man has died, but we can keep his mind alive by following his example that resilience, focus and unshakable belief in a good cause will overcome all adversities. It is people like Nelson Mandela who truly believe that we need to live with passion and that we are all destined for great things.

“No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.” ~ Nelson Mandela

Thank you Nelson Mandela, RIP....


jeandorff@googlemail.com
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http://www.pinterest.com/jeandorff/inspiration/

"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~JD

The power of words....

Dear...

You probably know that most of our communication is non-verbal and I'm not talking about when you read an e-mail, I'm talking about when you are actually talking face to face with two or more people.
Depending on what research article you read, somewhere between 75% and 90% of our communication is non-verbal. Non-verbal communication such as gestures, intonation, posture, clothing etcetera and even smell... This means that only 10% to 25% is conveyed through words.
I sometimes wonder if my readers get the full meaning of my daily posts since I'm limited to using only words. I can only imagine how much nuance in our messages gets lost with the texting we do via social media and mobile apps.

We already misunderstand each other so easily when we communicate face to face, I can only imagine how much of the true message we miss when we see written text only. I read something recently in a blog that illustrates how powerful Non-Verbal communication is. Ahston Laurent, a former teacher from Gallaudet University where the students are deaf or hard of hearing said: "It's difficult to lie to a deaf person because they're so attuned to peoples' body language."

As a dancer and dance teacher, I'm very aware of non-verbal communication. In fact when I perform and when I teach, my body language is the most important 'instrument' to convey my story or a lesson.

By now you might wonder why today's post is titled 'the power of words' and not 'the power of body language'. Well, because today I was made aware again what the power of a few words can be. My dad who just came from Intensive Care Unit was able to talk again. I had him on the phone and he said: "Son, I can't hear you very well, but you don't have to worry about me, I am okay".
A few words can make sometimes all the difference...even without all the non-verbal communication.



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We can live forever...

Dear...

The US declaration of independence says that we are all created equal, endowed by our Creator with unalienable Rights of among others, Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

When I read this for the first time, I was inspired by it and it prompt me to scrutinize my own life and see if I was not squandering these rights.

According to Bob Proctor, most of us are not taking full advantage of the unalienable right of life as mentioned in the declaration of independence. In his freedom series, he gives a bleak and unfortunate true picture of how most people live, how they maintain their status quo and how they focused on consolidating what they have than trying to break new grounds and go beyond the boundaries of comfort.

Now it's only you who can judge if you truly live your life to the fullest; if you live it with passion and love for life; if take it as it comes and make the most of it; if you rather lead than follow; it's only you who can make a choice to be a contributor or just a bystander and it's only you who can decide to live a life with purpose and to leave a eternal legacy.

I dedicate this post to my brother Herman, who passed away three years ago. His legacy is his love for life, he lives forever through his art, his photography, his love for music and most of all his love for his wife, kids and family.

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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~JD

New Year's Resolutions III: make sure someone has your back!

Dear...

Before we continue our series on New Years Resolutions let's have a quick review of what we did so far.

I asked you to start writing down a draft of your (possible) New Year's Resolution(s) for 2014. I gave you two guiding principles:
- Make sure that it's your resolution and not someone else's
- Write it in a positive way, so avoid negative words
You can go back to my post of November 22 New Year's Resolution II: "the power of positive thinking", for your reference.

Today I'm adding two new guidelines.

- Make sure that your resolution meets your personal standards and common sense. As an example, if you want to loose weight do it in a healthy way and not in an unhealthy way. Another example, working overtime might create more income, but make sure that the extra money is worth giving up valuable family time.

- Create a support group for your goal. Make sure that you surrounding knows about your goal and that they are behind it. This creates accountability on your side and will help you through times when its hard to stay focussed on your goal. As an example: say you want to quit smoking, your surrounding can help you to stay away from tempting situations. Or you can ask them to reward you for each week you don't smoke... Of course you have to do something in return when you reached your goals.
In general, you are more likely to reach your goals if you get support from the people around you. So don't be shy to ask for their support and include them when you write your resolutions, you will find that they are very willing to give you the support you need.

Now please take a look at the draft you made before and make changes based on these new guidelines. I'll get back to you next week  for another step in creating a New Year's Resolutions and giving you the confidence that you can achieve them.

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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~JD

Live boldly with great expectations...

Dear...

I used to say: "have no expectations and you will not have any disappointments". I probably said that because I had some disappointments myself and thought having no expectations was a good concept to avoid future pain and sadness, but my walk of life changed my view point to the exact opposite.

Imagine a life where you try to avoid all disappointments. You would always eat in the same restaurant and you would order the same dishes you know you like. You would spend your vacations each year in the same manner. You have the same daily schedule to prevent any unexpected events. You avoid making new friends because new friends means trusting them that they never disappoint you.

A life based on avoiding disappointment is a very safe life with no room for unexpected things. If you lead such a life, you become a creature of habit where everything becomes very predictable.

Now you might think I exaggerate to make a point, but I'm sure you know people who lead their lives similar to what I described. Living a life without expectations creates only a false sense of safety, as life tends to throw us unexpected things, but more importantly it will cut us short from the best things life has to offer.

So yes disappointments can be painful, but if you want to live your life to the fullest you need to live boldly with great expectations.Will you get all the things you expect? Maybe not, but that's okay if you learn to be content with what you get and what you have. Earl Nightingale known as the 'Dean of Personal Development' said: "Expect more good out of life than bad. Expect to succeed more often than you fail, and you will".

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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~JD

There is no such thing as luck...

Dear...

In his book 'Outliers' Malcolm Gladwell studied top performers in various fields. Luck was not mentioned by him once as a possible cause of the top performers success. According to Malcolm, the real difference between top performers and the rest, is the number of practice hours the top performers put in. In other words it is all about preparation that makes the difference.

The following Zen story illustrates perfectly what Seneca said about 2000 years ago: "Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunities":
A dramatic ballad singer studied under a strict teacher who insisted that he rehearse day after day, month after month the same passage from the same song, without being permitted to go any further. Finally, overwhelmed by frustration and despair, the young man ran off to find another profession. One night, stopping at an inn, he stumbled upon a recitation contest. Having nothing to lose, he entered the competition and, of course, sang the one passage that he knew so well. When he had finished, the sponsor of the contest highly praised his performance. Despite the student's embarrassed objections, the sponsor refused to believe that he had just heard a beginner perform. "Tell me," the sponsor said, "who is your instructor? He must be a great master." The student later became known as the great performer Koshiji.

Often we see only the results of top performers. When people say: it seems that some people have more luck than others, they are right, it only 'seems' that way. Voltaire the 18th century french writer and philosopher said: "Chance is a word void of sense; nothing can exist without a cause". Bob Proctor explains in his freedom series that the cause of good results is a matter of preparation, dedication, focus and discipline. Both are saying that good results have very little to do with luck, it is the amount and quality of input or preperation that causes good results.

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Two days in a life of almost 90 years...

Dear...

This morning I received a message that my 89 year old dad had to undergo an emergency operation. They operated on him for nearly four hours and placed two bypasses. He is now in intensive care and has to stay there for the next 48 hours. The doctors said if he will make it through these two days he has a good chance. Two days in a life of almost 90 years, that sounds like almost nothing. Two days is all we can think of right now, hoping and praying that dad is going to be okay.

A few days ago I wrote that you can never be fully prepared for life opportunities, that you have to go out of your comfort zone and that you should take them as they come. My post of yesterday was about the power of being thankful.

Today, we are not ready to let my dad go, we probably never will be, but he had a life to be proud of so we can accept it if his time has come. We are grateful for the life we had with him and for sure will be thankful if we'll get a few years more.

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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~JD

The power of being thankful

Dear...

Yesterday was Thanksgiving. I'm not a born American citizen but I love this holiday. It is not only about remembering the first pilgrims, it is about being thankful for what you have. I understand that you could be in a challenging situation in which it is may be hard to feel thankful for anything, but especially in those situations its spirit lifting to find something to hold on to.

A few years ago I went through one of my most challenging periods in my life. Being grateful was definitely not on top of my mind at the time. It was easier to be angry and to blame. I was worried and had fear for what the future would bring me and I suppressed grief and unbelief of the situation I was in.

I'm not saying that I used careful processed thoughts to find things in my life to be still thankful for, but the fact is I did and know now that it gave me strength to accept and change my circumstances.

On hindsight  I used a simple 5 steps process:

1. I made a list for the things I still could be thankful for (material and non material).
2. I made a habit finding each day at least one thing to be grateful for.
3. I focused on the things I could change and accepted the things I couldn't (at least not then).
4. I went over this list every night before going to bed.
5. I shared both griefs and gratefulness with someone I fully trusted. 

Now this sounds maybe too simple and even scilly, but I'm inviting you to try it if you are in a 'challenging' period yourself. 

Mary J. Lore writes in her book 'Managing thoughts and the power of thankfulness':

"Thankfulness is one of the quickest and most powerful ways to create a change in our circumstances and move us in a direction that serves our purpose. Being thankful raises individuals to a new level of consciousness. It gives us access to our highest awareness and our ability to see the myriad of possibilities, discover what we truly want, and create and realize a vision for the future."

I can only testify that in my darkest period of life, I found purpose and strength by being grateful for what I have. Does that mean I never feel pain anger or grief anymore? Of course it doesn't, but I can give these emotions a place now and am not dragged down by them. I found that there is great power in being thankful and I hope you can find that too when you need it.

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Yes and No two so simple words...

Dear...

A few weeks ago I wrote something about saying NO and what a challenge it was for me in some situations. Especially to kids its difficult to say no, I have two children and when they look at me with those big shinny eyes, I know I fight a lost case... You wonder, do they have a special school where they teach them that stuff? Anyhow, since the reply "ask your mother" didn't work either, I had to learn how to say no to my kids too, even if I have to disappoint them once in a while. The fear to disappoint someone is probably the biggest reason why people are afraid to say no.

Obviously if you can't say no, you say YES, but it is unfortunately not a yes that you really mean. Because of this 'false' yes you might not only buy things that you don't need, but you might also end up making appointments or promises you didn't want to make. Because of this it's likely that you later make excuses to cancel earlier made commitments and the worst thing ... now you really did disappoint someone, the one thing that you tried to prevent by not saying NO.

Bottom line, people rather hear an honest NO than a false YES.

Paulo Coelho said it so well: "if you must say yes say it with an open heart, if you say no say it without fear".

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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~JD

Feeling comfortable with being uncomfortable...

Dear...

Ask a relatively big group of people: 'Is any opportunity without risks worthwhile pursuing?' and you probably can divide this group in two sub groups by their reactions and answers.

One sub group is more risk averse and would like to know what kind of risks we are talking about, their fear of failing is typically greater than the excitement of a possible win, life has made them more cautious and they have a tendency to take make safe choices.
The people in the other group are more risk takers and show more interest in what the possible winnings could be and their excitement of succeeding is typically bigger than their angst to fail. This last group has learned that the rewards are big when the risks are big and they typically see failure as just another attempt to get closer to success.

Most great opportunities, if not all, force us to leave our comfort zones. It is very likely that none of the people in either of the mentioned groups feel 100% ready for an important life opportunity. But when it comes to take these opportunities then: risk averse people need to have the feeling that they are prepared in all details before they come into action; risk takers on the other hand feel more comfortable with being uncomfortable and therefore, they step easier out of their comfort zone. Risk takers know that growth and success are just outside their comfort zone.

It perhaps does not surprise you that successful people are more found in the risk takers group.  The reason why someone belongs more in one group than the other is often related with the personal experiences they went through.  Successful people see their experiences less as failures and more as learnings.

Thomas Edison had more than 2000 'failures' before he finally succeeded inventing the lightbulb. When asked if he was ever discouraged by these failures, he answered: "No, I just had a 2000 step process to make the first lightbulb". John F. Kennedy said: “Nothing worthwhile has ever been accomplished with a guarantee of success.”

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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

Blessings in disguise, a Zen story...

Dear...

Maybe,

Once upon the time there was an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years. One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. “Such bad luck,” they said sympathetically...
“Maybe,” the farmer replied.

The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. “How wonderful,” the neighbors exclaimed...
“Maybe,” replied the old man.

The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune...
“Maybe,” answered the farmer.

The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son’s leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out...
“Maybe,” said the farmer.


Oscar Wilde said: "What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise."

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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

Can we ever see the whole picture...?

Dear...

If you look at a picture with a magnifying glass you will see that a picture is constructed out of many pixels. Each pixel is just a dot of color and may seem meaningless by itself but several pixels put together can create a shape and many more can create a picture. So even a little detail like a pixel is significant to create the whole.

Science is trying to find the smallest particle in the universe. After they found the cell, they found the atom and from the atom they went on to quarks. I'm not a scientist but the point is that we discover details in details. Scientist hope that by understanding the littlest particle we can solve big questions like how the universe came into existence.

Having an understanding of individual components is a good thing, but you cannot only analyze the details and look at the individual pixels. You also have to connect the dots, look at the whole picture and synthesize. But as science probably will never know if it truly found the 'smallest' detail, can we ever know if we truly look at the 'biggest' picture.

The described analogies are good learning and study principles. We should never assume that we know all the details and we should never assume that we fully comprehend the bigger picture. This will not only stimulate us to find out and research more, but it will also keep us humble and cause us to jump to conclusions too quickly.

One day I asked my martial artist master how much is there still left for me to learn? He answered me by saying: "...try to see knowledge as a big curtain. Your knowledge and skills make you able to lift that curtain up and allow you to see partly behind it. I as your master am able to lift the curtain up a little more and see a little more behind it, but the thing is we both don't know how big that curtain is."

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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

From conscious movement to unconscious movement...

Dear...

Gary Zukav, a renown author says, "Every intention sets energy into motion whether you are conscious of it or not".

For this blog, please pay attention to the differences and relationships between conscious and unconscious movements versus controllable and uncontrollable movements.

There is a constant process of motions in our bodies such as breathing, bloodstream, lymph system etcetera. The majority of motions in our body are beyond most people's ability to control. Although we can bring these movements to a level of consciousness, most of us can only control them to some extent, if at all.

There is little or no reason to bring these uncontrollable motions to our consciousness, but there is rationale in bringing controllable movements from our consciousness to unconsciousness.
Learning to control a movement is a conscious process. After we master the movement, we can bring it into our unconsciousness. A simple example is harnessing one's typing skills. First we teach our fingers where each letter and character is located on the key board.  Once we master this step, our fingers can type with  the speed of our thoughts. Being conscious of every individual movement would only slow down the motions of our fingers. Ergo by bringing 'learned and therefore controlled movements' to our unconsciousness, we can speed up the execution of these individual movements tremendously, especially when performed in succession.

This principle is used a lot by dancers of all disciplines. A dancer constantly practices movements with a conscious mind, then allowing the movements to sink into their unconscious mind. The dancer can now execute endless and complex combinations of individual motions with remarkable speed.  There is however a big caveat here. The higher the quality the dancer practices these individual movements, the higher the caliber of the movements will be when performed in a large sequences.  These sequences are known as dancing.

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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD


One of the strategies that helps dancers successfully imprint movements in their mind and muscular system is called 'marking'.  In one of my later blogs I will write more about it. If you want to read about it already you can look up the following article http://pss.sagehub.com/content/24/9/1732 

There is power in being discontent

Dear...

There is power in being discontent. Yes, you read this correctly I said there is power in being discontent. You might wonder...isn't he always talking and writing about being positive? Sure I am, in fact yesterday's post was all about being positive, but despite that,  I say today there is power in being discontent.

If you are in a situation you don't like and you are so deeply discontent with it that you want to scream, 'No more!', 'I can't take it!', then you have tapped into something very empowering. Ask people who made a sudden change in their life 'why?' and you will often hear, that they just couldn't take it anymore. It could have been a job they were in, a relationship they had and in some instances even a country they lived in. Their situations made them feel so miserable that they had to change it, no matter how drastic. They quit their job, broke the relationship and sometimes even left the country from one day to another.

Is it wise to let situations get so out of hand that only drastic measurements can solve it? No of course it isn't and it's much wiser to prevent all this drama. But if your circumstances are such that preventing them is all water on the bridge and you feel you can't go on like this anymore, you found a really big motivator to change.

A motivation born out of discontent is one of the best stimuli to change. I sincerely hope that your status quo isn't of any nature close to what I've described above, but if it is, use your discontent then as a motivator to change and change your negative situation into a positive one.

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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

New Year's Resolution II: The Power of Positive thinking

Dear...

A few days ago, I posted 'New Year's Resolutions number I' and I promised then to give you some tips how to make you more successful in achieving your 2014 resolutions.
First of all I would like for you to take some time to think about what your New Year's resolutions for next year could be. Give it some real good thoughts, take a few days for it if you like. Once you settle for one or two, write them down in draft.  Over the next few posts on this topic I will give you a number of guidelines of what the criteria are for an achievable resolution.

First, it needs to be your resolution, not someone else's, no matter how good the intention of that person is. So for example, your love ones tell you that you should exercise more and you don't really feel that you should then don't make it your resolution.
Second make it a positive resolution. So, instead of saying I want to quit smoking, write down the reasons why you want to quit smoking. For instance say, I want to lead a more healthy life and give a good example to my kids. Another example, instead of saying I want to go on a diet, say something like I want to be very fit and climb every stair with ease.  Now I'm sure you can come up with better formulated resolutions than I did here, but I hope you get my point about writing it positive. Avoid negative words, like don't and no; and avoid words with a negative connotation for you, may be words like diet or work-out.

Let's start with these two guidelines and I'll follow up with some more in my later posts. So, in summary: make sure your resolution is yours and make it very positive with a focus on the reason and/or the result you're after.

There is power in positive thinking. David O.McKay said: "Your thoughts are the architects of your destiny", therefore a positive mind creates positive outcomes.
With that, get a pen and paper and start drafting your resolutions and I'll come back on this topics in a few days from now.

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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

Social media and the influence of achieving our goals

Dear...

The way we communicate and socialize has significantly changed as a result of new technology. We are now chatting on Facebook with people we have never met and we share pictures of ourselves with strangers on Instagram.

A person who uses internet as a means of leisure spends at least 100 minutes per day on the internet and that is a really conservative estimate. That doesn't sound like a lot,  but total it out over a whole year and you would sit for 25 days straight behind your computer. That is almost a month per year! Now the real question here is: what did we do in the past with all those days we spend now on the internet? 

Here is some data: 

• Almost half of the time we spend on the internet has a negative influence on our productivity, either directly (27% of  the time is coming from work) or indirectly (22% is coming from  sleep, education and thinking)
• One third of the time we spend on the internet has a negative influence on normal social activities (offline), including travel, going to parties and do other household stuff
• Fortunately we also watch less "traditional television" although this one is hard to measure, perhaps we traded TV in for YouTube and Vimeo. 

Please don't misunderstand me I think the internet and social media are great inventions. I use FB both professional and socially. Now here is where it gets serious.  It seems that one of the growing reasons why we don't achieve what we want to achieve is because of 'time leakage' to social media. There is a time for everything and if you are truly goal oriented, set limits for yourself when and how often you look at social media. If you study, turn it off completely; if you sleep, turn it off completely; if you socialize (offline), turn it off completely; if you drive a car, turn it off completely; ... I guess you get it by now. BTW, if you think you are not that bad... just ask around or think about what the first thing is you do when you wake up or the last thing  you do before you go to bed.... I rest my case. 

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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

A story of talent and passion

Dear...

Talent means you have a natural ability to do something and passion means a strong and barely controllable emotion. So when passion meets talent, it's likely that success will follow and that great things can happen. However, this doesn't necessarily mean that you need to have talent for the things you are passionate about, or that you can only be successful when you have a talent for it. If you have less talent, don't let it stop or discourage you to go after what you want. Talent accounts only for a small percentage to achieve something, the bigger part needs to come from focus, dedication and hard work. The last three can only be reached with passion.

Success should be measured by more than 'being the best in something'. If these were the only criteria of being successful, a lot of passionate people would immediately stop doing what they are passionate about. We can all strive to be a winner, but we will not all be one. I must admit that I walked in that trap and for a while I could only find joy in something when I was the best or at least really good at it. Later in life, I learned to find joy in the process of doing things, instead of making my joy dependent of the results I was after. While as a performance coach I strive to get the best out of people or teams, I also want to make sure that the love for doing things is not killed by the pursuit of success. In the end it is as Steve Job said: "The only way to do great work is to love what you do".

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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~ JD

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Successful people do what less successful people don't like to do...

Dear...

Recently someone asked me, how do you keep yourself motivated to go to the gym consistently. This person had clearly not developed a habit of regular exercising yet. Some people say if you do something for 21 days, you have created a new habit. It is unfortunately not as simple as that. If it was, everyone would be thin and we all would be super fit. To create a new habit and make sure it sticks, you have to do this deliberately. You have to break down an old habit and replace it with a better one.

First, you need to understand why you want to break the old habit. Just doing exercises because it is trendy won't hold for long. You need to find some good personal motivators. Getting a better looking body could be a good motivator. Having experienced that you can't keep up with your kids anymore when they are playing in the park, might be an even stronger motivator.

There is no new habit that you like to do the first time you do it. Bob Proctor in his 'Freedom series' describes it as follows: "successful people make a habit of doing things that less successful people don't like to do". This sounds maybe a little harsh but it is absolutely true. Unsuccessful people are often  led by things they like to do, successful people on the other hand, are driven by the results they are after and are willing to do things that they (at first) don't like to do.

So in short, for you to keep going consistently and frequently to the gym, you have to have a clear objective in mind, be proud of every achievement you make, keep reciting your personal motivators and don't give up. If you do that, you will find yourself one day, going to the gym because you want to... not because you have to.

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"Be inspired and you shall inspire." ~JD

New Years Resolutions I.

Dear...

You might think, New Years Resolutions, isn't that a little early? Maybe you are right it's not even Thanksgiving yet. But then again if you know that people who succeed with just about anything, always work with a well defined plan, you might want to reconsider. In the case of New Years Resolutions only 8% of the people who make resolutions succeed to achieve them. I bet you these are the same people who know how to plan their goals before they go after them. So over the course of the coming weeks I would like to offer some tips and tricks how you can succeed with any plan you make and since it is so close to New Year, why not taking 'how to achieve  New Years Resolutions' as an example.

Let me start you of with some hard facts first:

• About 50% of us make new years resolutions every year.
• Half of us never succeeds and fails to achieve their resolution each year. 
• Only 8% actually achieve their resolution.

What are the most made resolutions each year

• Weight loss
• Achieve a personal goal (in business, sport, relationship)
• Relationship (fall in love, improve etc) 
• Be more healthy, fitness more (quit smoking)
• Getting organized (clean, plan) 
• Financial (spend Less, save More)
• Spend more time with family
• Enjoy life to the fullest

Now depending where you're from, the order of these resolutions might change, but the number one through 4 are pretty solid everywhere. 

So follow my blogs or drop me an email if you want to get serious about achieving your 2014 resolution or any other goal you want to achieve.

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"Be inspired and you shall inspired." ~JD

The source for the data used in this blog is: University of Scranton, Journal of Clinical Pshychology. Published 12/13/12.